Low self-esteem affects many of us, often without us fully understanding why. In this post, we explore where low self-esteem comes from, how it can show up in daily life, and how therapy can help rebuild a healthier relationship with ourselves.
Low Self-Esteem: More Common Than You Think
Low self-esteem — holding a consistently negative view of ourselves — is something many people struggle with at different points in their lives. Its effects can be far-reaching, influencing how we perform at work or in education, the relationships we form, and how we move through the world.
It can also contribute to emotional and behavioural challenges such as anxiety, low mood, or avoiding situations, relationships, or opportunities that could otherwise bring fulfilment.
How It Shows Up
Low self-esteem doesn’t always look obvious. Some common signs include:
- Imposter syndrome
- Difficulty asserting yourself
- Saying “yes” when you really want to say “no”
- Overvaluing other people’s opinions
- Perfectionism
- Procrastination
These aren’t personal failings — they’re often signs that your sense of self-worth feels uncertain or fragile.
The Root: Unmet Core Emotional Needs
Many people come to therapy hoping to “fix” what feels wrong. But low self-esteem usually isn’t about something being wrong with you — it’s often rooted in experiences from childhood, adolescence, or early adulthood.
Psychological research shows that when our core emotional needs aren’t met early in life, our ability to develop a stable, positive sense of self can be affected. These needs include:
- Feeling loved, safe, and accepted
- Being free to express feelings and needs
- Developing autonomy and a clear sense of identity
- Experiencing play, joy, and spontaneity
- Learning appropriate boundaries and self-control
When these needs go unmet — even subtly — we may grow up questioning our value, doubting our emotions, or struggling to set boundaries.
It’s Not About Blame
This understanding is not about assigning blame to caregivers. Parenting is complex, and most parents do the best they can with what they know and have available.
Therapy offers a space to reflect on the past with compassion — not to dwell or blame, but to understand how your experiences have shaped you, and how healing and change are possible.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy provides a supportive, confidential space to explore your self-esteem and where it may have been impacted. Understanding unmet needs helps us learn how to meet them as adults — leading to a stronger, more compassionate relationship with ourselves.
I specialise in helping people build self-esteem and confidence. Whether through individual therapy or group work, our sessions create space for insight, growth, and change.
Let’s Talk
If you’re ready to explore how therapy could support you in building a healthier sense of self, I’d love to hear from you.
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Thank you for reading, and take care of yourself.